Canto
VI
Gangster
Gospel
Canto VI
Petrus Romanus
True Blue
BLUE blows through before you knew what hit you
as you watch BLUE's exclusive interview on the News at 2
(streaming live on YOU-TUBE),
like a Jew asking "Who knew?",
you have absolutely no clue what BLUE might do, do you?
Behold, I do a new thing, a BLUE thing;
Out of the mouth of boobs, shall BLUE sing.
BLUE speaks truth to ghetto youth,
just like you used to do before they screwed you
like the one whom they choose to refuse, they all used you
whose views have been usually misconstrued by unscrupulous dudes
(who would just as soon accuse you of being confused, leaving you
crying in your fruit loops like somebody's fool).
But BLUE continues, without losing a beat
True, you might think that BLUE's some kind of freak,
but BLUE ain't weak, he's just unique.
So if it's me you seek, then maybe you
might find somebody just like...
BLUE!
The Patchwork Balloon
God needs an eternal witness in order to live, but couldn't God allow some of us to perish in heaven while still maintaining that all-important witness through others? Not at all! It is impossible for any individual Christian to perish in Heaven because each of us is united by the spirit so that if one of us were to render the ghost, it would go out from all of us. Doubtless the nails, which fixed our LORD to the cross, have fixed us in heaven forever; And God's plan of salvation, which is fool-proof, has made us death-proof.
How can we be spiritually united and yet not so geographically or even temporally? Well, since temporality is an illusion created by motion and since time and space are one, then would not geography be just as illusory? Hence, though we may temporally divided, eternally-speaking, we all are in the same place at the same time, and that place is at the foot of the cross. To us. it seems that many have died in the LORD and many are yet to, but eternally-speaking, we are all taken ("raptured," if you will) in the same glorious moment regardless of our position within this illusory timeline, which theologians have aptly dubbed the "Church Age":
(1 Thess 4:16-17) and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
Let us now examine our happy circumstance...
We Christians are like the heads of a vast sprinkler system that is laid throughout a cosmic garden. If one of the heads is destroyed, the water (which is the spirit) will leak out through the breach and the overall reduced water pressure will cause every sprinkler head to fail.
We Christians are like a patchwork balloon. We are inflated by the air of the spirit, but if one of the patches on the balloon is ruptured, the air leaks out of the whole balloon and all patches collapse.
We Christians are like a vast string of Christmas lights on a cosmic holiday tree. If one bulb blows, all the bulbs go off. There is no time to replace the bulb at God's Christmas party. Mary dies if the lights go out and if that were going to happen, it already would have (which our temporal existence continually contradicts). It is as if we are all on lock-down in heaven's cell block and there's no escaping this Alcatraz of lux perpetua. If we pray for death, God judges such a prayer to be unrighteous and she only answers the prayers of the righteous. Later, our faith is restored and we thank God for all unanswered prayers, which were answered in Christ.
Therefore, it is impossible for any Christian to die whether it be in the present age or in the world to come. Only the godless, the faithless, the hopeless and the loveless will find themselves shirtless on that great and glorious day when all of us shall be seated at the wedding banquet of our LORD and master:
(John 17:12) and none of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.
Love-life
You haven't lived unless you've loved;
You haven't loved unless you've died;
You haven't died unless you've tried
To let your pride be mortified.
You haven't let your pride subside
Unless you can, in God, confide
And in the Truth you've crucified
Because your Saviour, you denied.
So let your conscience be your guide
And put away your foolish pride;
For he that forsakes life for me,
The same shall find it, 'Come and see'.
Some Choice Words
There's a lot in this world that you can't control, but your mind isn't one of them. No one -- not even God herself -- can possess your mind or control your thoughts. This is because you are as much spirit as you are flesh and the spirit that resides within you is immaterial. It can't be seen; It can't be touched. Since only physical objects can be manipulated by outside entities, if the steering wheel is invisible, the vehicle can't be carjacked.
We know that choice is real because we desire to live. To be or not to be? That is the question that perpetually faces us. We may be influenced by the world, but this is only because we allow ourselves to be (or not to be). Were we to be under the tyrannical control of the Universe, we would not differentiate ourselves from it. The Universe would do nothing we ourselves didn't do. Yet we exist in a world that is like a box of chocolates, not knowing what we're going to get. To the extent that the world surprises us, we are separate from it. To the extent that we are aware of an autonomous Universe, our own autonomy is revealed. To the extent that we are conscious of the Universe, we are conscious of ourselves. To the extent that self-consciousness is prerequisite to life, the right to choose is in fact the right to life. Congratulations, Pinocchio -- you're a real boy!
However, with freedom comes responsibility -- and yet some would intentionally deny the obvious in order to shirk their responsibility!
Harvest Home
In the Harvest, farmers reap;
In the Winter, flowers sleep;
In the Springtime, showers fall
For the Summer Son loves all.
Dancing in the Summer Son;
Peace and joy for ev'ryone;
Life is but for having fun
When the Harvest day is done.
Logical Circus
Atheists accusing Christians of circular logic? According to them, Christians argue that the Bible is true simply because the Bible says it is. No one is born believing the gospel and it takes faith to believe something simply because the Universe confronts you with it. In the cosmic game of "Truth or Dare," the truth is the dare:
(Heb 11:1) Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
The definition of circular logic is this: Any logic argument in which the premise (or principle) depends on the truth of the very matter in question. Hence, the argument that Biblical truth is premised on Biblical truth is one which relies on circular logic. Here it is structurally:
p implies q
suppose p
therefore q
Circular logic is not a logical fallacy. Therefore, it is entirely logical to maintain that the Bible is a self-justifying book. However, people who disbelieve the Word of God on the basis that it cannot be logically supported do in fact commit a logical fallacy. They assume that a premise must be logically proven which no logical premise can be by definition.
If we must logically prove premises, no logical argument can ever be made. If we rely on science to prove or disprove logical premises, we would have to assume a logical universe, which Chaos Theory and Quantum Mechanics say is not the case. If Chaos Theory and Quantum Mechanics are disproven, we would have to possess all knowledge -- science would have to be omniscience.
If we had omniscience, we would possess the capability of destroying ourselves. Therefore, we would have to write a law that everyone would have to follow in order to keep us from destroying ourselves. This law book would have no logical basis other than to preserve and continue life. The greatest commandment of this law book would be to love your neighbor. Love is illogical.
It is true that the phrase "The Bible is truth because it says it's truth" is circular logic. But so too is the phrase "An object in motion tends to stay in motion." Yet atheists cling to the latter argument while rejecting the former. Now does that sound logical to you?
Humor in Cuneiform
I. Comparative Religion
I was in an internet chat room a few months ago, and I was in a heated argument with a religious skeptic who kept trying to make the case that there was no real difference between Jesus and any other god.
"What's the difference between your god and Thor?" he wrote.
At my wit's end, I posted the following reply:
Thor -- Mighty Axe; God -- Mighty Acts
II. Rapture-Ready Spaghetti
In a chat room devoted to economics, I posted the question: What would happen to the global markets if the Blessed Virgin Mary appeared before the entire world and declared the eminent end to life as we know it and the ushering in of Paradise?
I received the following reply: I don't know! What would happen if the Flying Spaghetti Monster appeared before the entire world and declared the end of the world and the ushering in of Pasta Paradise?
Not wanting to be outdone, I quickly posted the following response: I guess Italians would have to choose between their love of spaghetti and their love of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
III. In Jesus' Name?
A Catholic, a Jew and an Anglican are arguing over the true name of Jesus of Nazareth.
"His name is Jesu" maintains the Catholic, "because that's his name in the Latin Bible."
"No, his name is Yeshua" counters the Jew, "because that's what he's called in the Hebrew Bible."
"You're both wrong!" declares the Anglican. "His name is Jesus!"
"Jesus?" the other two laughed. "Is that because he's called Jesus in the King James?"
"Yes" replied the Anglican. "And I've found that whenever you're installing new software, it's better to go with a version that's authorized!"
IV. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned!
A Baptist is in a debate with a Catholic over the Rite of Confession.
"Tell me," he says. "If a Priest tells you to say ten 'Hail Marys' and you have a heart attack and die after the ninth one, what happens to your soul?"
Without missing a beat, the Catholic responded, "That's why it ends with: Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death!"
V. Economic Woes
Recently, an economics professor asked his class if anyone could give an example of inflation other than monetary inflation.
"A full-time paycheck ain't what it used to be," answered one student.
"A high school diploma ain't what it used to be," answered another.
"A marriage certificate ain't what it used to be," answered a third student.
"Good!" smiled the professor. "Now, can anyone tell me the factors contribute to monetary inflation?"
VI. Sin No More
A Catholic Priest dies, goes to heaven, and is greeted by St. Peter.
"You've been so good, I'm going to grant you one wish," Peter says.
"Well," says the Priest, "since I've been so good, how about letting me sin one final time?"
"Okay," laughed Peter, "but first, give me one good reason why you should."
VII. Culture Clash
I was teaching General Music at a predominantly black elementary school in South Miami Heights. We were about to sing 'Old MacDonald' and so I asked my 2nd graders if anyone could name me some of the animals he had on his farm.
"I know!" interjected one child, "A Rottweiler!"
"A cockroach!" blurted another.
First of all, that would be e-i-e-i-NO! (and next time, raise your hand!)
VIII. Company Stiff
A guest at the hotel where I was working once asked me to come up to her room after my shift.
I'd love to, I said, but I'm not allowed to fraternize with the guests.
How about if I pay you? she persisted.
Absolutely not! I protested, that would be prostitution!
This coming from a man who won't sleep with me for fear of losing his job!
(That would be reverse prostitution!)
A few years later, I approached my boss for sex.
I'd rather that we kept our relationship strictly professional, she said.
Fine, I answered, how much do you want?
IX. Uncommon Grace
As a member of an on-campus ministry at UCLA, I used to host a midweek small-group Bible study in my West Lost Angeles apartment. Far be it for me to expect a bunch of college kids to show up on time for anything! I always made an effort to cook spaghetti and would often call them to find out when I could expect them.
On one occasion, they were exceptionally late and as a result, the spaghetti was severely over-cooked to the point of being barely edible. "Would you like to say the grace?" one of them asked. Without missing a beat, I responded, "Lord, thank you for this meal -- and help us to remember that it is not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of him!"
X. The Lady or the Tiger
I'm reading this great book, (I told my adult son.) It's about a man who is forced to open one of two doors: behind one door is a beautiful lady; behind the other is a ravenous tiger.
What did he do? (my son asked.)
I don't know, (I responded.) Haven't gotten to that part yet.
(Without missing a beat, my son answered,) Well, if I were him, I'd open both doors simultaneously so that the tiger can eat the lady while I'm escaping!
XI. The Antichrist Revealed!
Everybody goes to church marveling at the beast of the antichrist and the number of his name.
After the service, they all return home to their 6-packs of beer in 6-cylinder engines that they bought with their 6-figure salaries!
Navigation
LORD JESUS CHRIST,SON OF THE FATHER,SEND NOW YOUR SPIRIT OVER THE EARTH.LET THE HOLY SPIRIT LIVEIN THE HEARTS OF ALL NATIONS,THAT THEY MAY BE PRESERVEDFROM DEGENERATION, DISASTER AND WAR.MAY THE LADY OF ALL NATIONS,WHO ONCE WAS MARY,BE OUR ADVOCATE.AMEN.
LORD JESUS CHRIST,
SON OF THE FATHER,
SEND NOW YOUR SPIRIT OVER THE EARTH.
LET THE HOLY SPIRIT LIVE
IN THE HEARTS OF ALL NATIONS,
THAT THEY MAY BE PRESERVED
FROM DEGENERATION, DISASTER AND WAR.
MAY THE LADY OF ALL NATIONS,
WHO ONCE WAS MARY,
BE OUR ADVOCATE.
AMEN.
